For the desperately lonely, finding the ideal partner seems an intimidating, impossible task. However, the truth about finding an ideal partner is actually very simple, it’s just that many people do not know where to look or how to start. If you want to get out of single life and start a loving relationship, this article is aimed at helping you find a way to start your search. Note that although it is written in masculine for brevity purposes, it applies to both genders unless otherwise specified.
First determine what it is you want. The first step to finding your ideal partner is a paper and a pencil. No, you’re not going to write a classified ad; What you are going to do is make a list of your attributes and those that you want in your partner. The list should include: your personality characteristics and those of your desired partner; your physical characteristics and those that your desired partner will have; as well as interests, hobbies, religion and beliefs (both yours and your partner must have the same religion or have a value system or lack of this), the desire for children and your willingness to accept the children of another person, your communication style, etc. You might want to seek help from your friends for the personality part, as well as from your past relationships. If you consider this, it will be easier for you to recognize which personality types you are best at.
Turn the list into a profile of the type of partner you are looking for. This is the skeleton of a person, it should not be a list of demands, and rather it is a basic description of the soul you are looking for. The list must be realistic and prioritized.
- When looking at the profile you will see what aspects are important to you that you had not noticed. For example, suppose you like to be outdoors and exercise, then look for a walking group-perhaps a religious group, a community group, or a local open-air club, such as the Sierra Club.
- Although you do not have to have everything in common with someone, finding someone who has some things in common with you is a good start.
Find out what other people tend to look for in a couple, use it to understand what other people are looking for. This could allow you to emphasize your strengths in whatever area, to clearly indicate which accounts with the interesting characteristics, or do the activities that your potential partner is looking for. Some of the most popular things men and women look for, some in others are:
- Women seek, in order: personality, sense of humor, common interests, intelligence, neatness, attractiveness, sensuality, getting to know man through a friend, voice, spirituality, profession, money, talent and, finally, religion .
- Men are looking for: personality, sense of humor, intelligence, common interests, beauty, neatness, sensuality, voice, talent, spirituality, money, religion, get to know the woman through a friend and, finally, profession.
Love yourself and your body. This is the hottest advice of the century, your ideal partner is going to be the person who loves you as you are and who sees you as well. If you cannot accept this reality, then you need to develop your confidence and the mentality of wanting to be in compliance with whatever your partner says should be eliminated. The things you should keep in mind to help you in your search for the ideal partner includes:
- You’re worth it. Yes, it really is true, and try it walking upright, with your head held high, smiling and feeling safe. That is attractive and it will show potential couples that you are accessible and that you are sure of yourself.
- List all the great things about yourself – why are you a great friend, what are your top 10 achievements, what are you proud of in life, and why are you a great match.
- Dress to look good, not to be fashionable, or for the brand or, worse, the size on the label. Whether you’re a man or a woman, good clothing that highlights your strengths is always attractive and makes you stand out from others.
- Feel comfortable with your body. It is much more attractive than sending constant signals that you are paranoid because of the size of your buttocks or because of the flaccidity of your arms.
Start searching Find groups and social events in which your partner could spend time, and in which there could be many conversations with each of the people involved. It is very important that you locate yourself in the places where you can find your ideal partner, instead of waiting for that person to be the next person to sit in the next bench in the bar. The best places to look for your ideal partner are those in which you enjoy spending time, since it is possible that this first shared interest will start things. The places to spend time looking for your ideal partner includes:
- Singles groups. These could be groups in local churches, dating services or online. They are the most obvious source because everyone has openly declared that they are looking for someone and, while they have their mistakes, the good news is that they are all there for the same purpose. You might discover that your perfect partner on a hiking trip is married, or that there are no potential spouses in the car care and maintenance club, while the singles groups at least guarantee that!
- Hobbies and sports clubs. Of course, in these environments you will need to know the civil status of others, but if you are participating in something that you are enjoying anyway, what is the hurry? You have many opportunities to find out about the other people who are there and decide who is free and of interest to you, all while practicing a sport or dedicating yourself to a hobby or other interest. The fact of shared interest will probably increase your chances of compatibility.
- Work place. In your workplace you will know very soon who is single and who is not. The bad side is continuous proximity and gossip; It could also be more difficult, later, if both are in the same office, and they want the same promotion, but it is something that you will have to face later. The path of a shared career can, in fact, be really beneficial for some couples, and it means that they are ideal for each other.
- On holiday. This is a great time to find people who are in their relaxed attitude. The bad side is that they could live and / or work very far, and they could be in it just as a vacation adventure. Ask some questions before falling for someone on vacation.
Do not be too demanding from the beginning. You are not setting up a laptop, you and your future partner are looking, or at least they are open) to someone to know and make happy. He meets many people casually in different contexts, with the vision placed on a few attributes and widely compatible personalities. Keep an open mind to the small details that you and that special someone can improve or commit to doing, so that they are not a concern afterwards.
- If you persistently demand a precise combination of attributes from the beginning, you probably will not find it, perhaps, with your demands, you could even throw someone you might have liked and, finally, tired of looking for, accepting a not too good relationship from the beginning, too late to start a family.
- In particular, do not worry about the finer points of appearance: just like with a beautiful car you’ve had for a while, you will not notice the details over time, but you will affectionately recognize them all.
It makes a good first impression. Get dressed and introduce yourself well when you start flirting and going out. People make judgments based on the initial appearance, and it may be the only opportunity you have to make a difference. Good grooming, pleasant manners and giving the best of you are important aspects to maintain your attractiveness.
- Use that sense of humor. Both men and women cite this feature as very important and there is a good reason for that. Humor is what helps reduce all the discomfort of dating and also allows both of you to know that you are humble and that you are not self-important. More specifically, a person with a sense of humor is definitely the favorite choice for a lifetime commitment, well above a grumpy one.
Do not rush things and give the relationship enough time to develop. When you find someone who seems to fit the profile, breathe deeply and go slowly. Spend a lot of time talking, listening and seeing different aspects of this person that interest you. Of course, you want to have attraction, but you also want to get to know this person well. In addition, you want to see how they interact in a wide range of situations, such as fun, stressful periods, before the family and in professional situations.
- Forget privacy for a while. Depending on your religious beliefs and age, this may not be a choice, but even if it is not, delaying intimacy can help you to be sure of being with your ideal partner, rather than suffering from falling in love. The excitement and attraction in new relationships can overcome the desire to know each other if they surrender to each other too soon. Affection can look a lot like love initially, so make sure your heart and mind before surrendering to intimacy.
- Use the time they leave to check your partner’s reactions to the activities and hobbies you enjoy. If you get involved in many of the things that interest you, this is a great sign of possible compatibility. Suggest a range of things of interest to your appointment and see how your level of enthusiasm makes you feel, or lack of it. Also, ask yourself if you really enjoy doing the things that the other person suggests; If you’re going to spend the next 40 years going to the same horse shows that she loves and that you can not stand, you’ll have to figure out how to handle that from the beginning. Commitments can be achieved, and it is better to do so before seriously immersing yourself in a long-term commitment than to end up discussing those things once you are married.
Be sure to tell that someone that you are looking to start a long-term relationship from the beginning. The worst thing you could do is fall in love with a person who leaves three months later because she is not ready to settle down yet. You have to tell him that you are looking for a relationship after a few dates (it would be a bit desperate to talk about it on the first date!), Or as soon as you know you are interested in this person. Do not worry about committing yourself, just make sure that both are pointing in the same direction. Tell him that’s all you’re doing, and keep in mind that you need to use your common sense when talking about commitment issues; After all, nobody wants to talk about marriage on the second date.
Make a reality check as you begin to get to know your appointment better. As the relationship evolutions and begin to approach, how do you know that this person is the ideal? Love can daze you and lead you to overlook small things that might actually be great things once you try to spend your life together. The things you should find out before you are ready to declare this person your ideal partner include:
- Are you grumpy or do you hide things that you would reasonably expect to know?
- Are there money problems? Differences and financial problems can cause you great pain, so honesty in this matter is mandatory.
- Do you enjoy spending long periods of time together?
- How does this person act in the presence of his family and yours? Is it respectful, disdainful, interested, disconnected? Is it your way of answering a problem for you?
- Do you seem to have the same idea as you about having or not having children, about pursuing a career, or volunteering abroad for five years? All these things matter!
Do not settle for less than the ideal! If you discover that this is not the right person for you, do not cling to it or convince yourself that it will improve or that you are being too demanding. You know what you want in a couple, you already made the list. Also, you will find it, and it will be great when you do it. But on the other hand, do not be a perfectionist and demand impossibly high standards from the other person. Try to appreciate the peculiarities but do not settle for someone with whom you will not be happy.
- If you are looking for a woman, look at her mother and analyze the relationship of the mother with the men; Watch the father to see what she will expect from you. Doing the above will tell you everything you need to know. However, be aware that all this may not reflect the personal growth that a person may have accomplished. She also believes that her parents could be the antithesis of what she believes and wants.
- Listen to the opinions of your friends about your new love, but do not take them too seriously. Listen to them, consider them, keep those that are valuable and discard the rest. Remember that friends are only human. They can make mistakes in judgment and they can also be jealous. Use your own good judgment and common sense!
- If you are very young and / or religious, before having privacy, make sure that both are committed to the relationship. Meet your family and introduce yours. Go out with that person and your friends; Invite her to go out with you and your family. It might sound silly doing all of that before you even think about intimacy, but the way someone behaves in social or family situations can make you realize that that person is not for you.
- If you are looking for a man, watch his father and how he treats his mother, etc., and look at his mother to see what he expects from you. Doing so will tell you everything you need to know. However, this does not always reflect the personal growth that person could have had. When you are observing someone from a maltreatment environment, instead look at how they behave with children, pets, weaker or subordinate people, stressful situations and personal conflicts. Many people who have suffered abuse become hard and gentle, but many others perpetuate the abuse. If you date an alcoholic or drug addict in recovery, the years in recovery is a good sign. If you stick to recovery for three or more years, this usually indicates that everything will go well with them.
- Enjoy your bachelorhood for a while. Complaining about it will not change it, but continuing to love your life guarantees that it will attract people, who may prove to be of interest, to your sphere.
- Consider if you think there is a need for a pre-nuptial agreement. Even the couple could turn out not to be so ideal under unforeseen circumstances.
- In these times, one can never be sure enough. Do not be afraid to ask your potential partner for an HIV test or a general check-up. You just have to be willing to provide the same information. If you are going to ask someone for this information, be careful of the moment when you do it. Wait three months and until you have established a beginning of trust and love in a relationship, you could tell the other that you do not trust him and end up with something good. Requesting it too soon could make you seem a little crazy. The appropriate time to request it is one in which you are sure that you want to see this person as something more than a social partner.
- Never try or expect to change someone to make it your ideal. That has never worked!