In all relationships, regardless of how solid they are, there will be problems and discussions. According to certain studies on communication between genders, there is often excessive pressure around the act of apologizing, even if the man otherwise accepts that he made a mistake. In most cases, apologies are a positive way of resuming dialogue after a fight and that is how they should be considered, since they show that the parties are willing to exhibit vulnerability in the presence of the other. An apology can sometimes mean that you bite your tongue at first, but, if it is sincere and well expressed, it could make the difference between lasting pain or an approach in the relationship.
Prepare yourself psychologically
Recognize that apologies are a way to move forward. Regardless of your reasons for apologizing, you must remember that your goal is to fix things with the girl and improve your relationship with her. An apology is, in essence, an emotional concession that, if expressed in an appropriate and sincere way, can have excellent results.
- In the studies, the results have been consistent in that men find it much more difficult to apologize than women. If you consider yourself to be within this group of those who find it difficult to apologize, you can try to overcome the first pothole by taking them as a strictly practical maneuver (at least at the beginning).
Take some time to relax. If you feel the need to apologize to a girl, maybe you’re hurt too. If you admit that at that moment you do not feel completely well, you must first give yourself time to heal. This could take minutes, hours or days depending on the severity of the situation.
- However, do not allow yourself to postpone the apology too much, since, if you spend a lot of time saying nothing, this could be interpreted as simply that you did not apologize or that you do not regret what happened and you do not want to have anything to do with the girl. Again, the severity of the situation and the strength of your relationship will determine how much time can be considered “too much”.
Understand why the girl is upset. You could make things worse if you apologize without sincerity or without knowing why you do it instead of just keeping quiet. A woman will realize that you are not honest if you apologize in a hasty way. Therefore, before apologizing, you should stop for a moment to reflect and ask yourself the following: why are you upset? Could your mood be due to other factors? How serious is the problem?
- Put yourself in the girl’s place for a moment. You should consider how she could have interpreted your actions, as well as how she might feel. If you must apologize for something that happened, play it back in your head, which will give you a better idea of why she is upset regardless of who is at fault.
- Keep in mind that it is not the same to feel empathy for the reasons why she might be upset that admit your guilt. In a healthy relationship, you should be able to take the other person’s point of view into consideration, even if it does not look like you’ve done something bad in and of itself. You must recognize that the pain that the other person feels is real, even if at first it seems unjustified or irrational to feel that way.
Excuse yourself with sincerity. In case the problem has been serious enough, the girl will try to detect any sign of falsehood in your way of expressing the apology. Therefore, the best way for her to interpret the apology as you want is to do it with sincerity. It is a good idea to avoid apologizing if you consider that you will have to do it reluctantly and, instead, reflect more on the apology or decide not to ask for it at all.
- Maybe you have the same reasons as the girl to be angry, which will make it hard for you to be honest with her. In this case, you should give yourself a little more time so you can relax and breathe.
Wait for the right moment to do it. A part of the art of apologies is the choice of the right moment. You would not want someone to apologize to you while you’re watching a movie, much less when you’re burning your eyelashes for an important exam the next day. Instead, you should wait (but not for too long) until the appropriate opportunity arises in which the girl has free time and is relatively relaxed.
- As mentioned above, you should not wait too long to apologize, as this could make the girl think that not apologizing was a conscious decision.
Approach the girl with solemnity. The reception of the apology will be greatly affected by the way you approach the girl with whom you want to apologize in person. Therefore, you must do it quietly and calmly. Avoid getting distracted by anything else, since you should focus all your attention on the apology. When you approach the girl, make sure you look her straight in the eyes. You must express through your body language that you recognize the seriousness of the situation, so you should not smile too much or be too relaxed.
- If you choose to apologize by text message or phone, it will be easier to deal with the issue of approaching the girl. However, keep in mind that, for the apology to be as effective and affirmative as possible, you must do it in person.
- In case it is not easy for you to run into the girl, you can ask her to meet you. The invitation should be simple and to the point, although you should make sure that you know that you have asked her to meet with you to apologize. Give her a little time in case she is very angry at that moment. Hopefully, it will calm down and allow you to apologize.
Tell him you’re sorry. You should start by telling him that you feel it before continuing with anything else. If you try to explain the reasons why you feel it before she knows you want to apologize, you could take it as an invitation to an argument. After approaching her, do not waste time telling her you’re sorry. Explanations may wait until after you express your main point. It may seem easy to be direct, but it can be difficult to do your job when both parties experience a lot of emotions. Do not let this make you too nervous. If necessary, remember that this is only one step as part of the process to recover the connection between the two.
- It is not necessary that the apology be too elaborate. On the other hand, perhaps it is best to express it in the simplest way possible. Simply say “I’m sorry” without needing to be poetic or calculate it too much. It’s much more likely that the girl misinterprets your apology if you complicate her a lot.
Express empathy. Saying something as simple as “I’m sorry” will have a greater impact than you might think. However, for the most serious issues, this will not be enough. After resuming the conversation in this way, you should delve into the details of why you feel it and the fact that you understand her feelings. In case the conversation becomes more balanced and both have a degree of guilt, you can take advantage to express some of your feelings as part of the healing process. However, you should only do it when you know that the girl has accepted the apology.
- This is an example of a general template of what you might say: “I am very sorry for what I did.” At that time I was very selfish and, seeing how it affected you, I realized how serious it was. change the past, but I want you to know that I wish I could retract, I will not let it happen again. “
Let the girl answer you. Perhaps it is not worth much to make a mountain of insignificant complaints, but, if the situation is more serious, it is likely that the apology will generate an answer. After you have put the cards on the table, it may be time for her to express her feelings. Look her in the eye, keep calm whatever you do and process everything she tells you. If your answer makes you angry, try to put yourself in their place. Maybe she is still angry about what happened and this could have been a factor in the fact that her reaction was not very pleasant.
Hug her. Often, it is best to apologize verbally along with some kind of physical affirmation. A hug is almost always appropriate regardless of the type of relationship. You can hug the girl after apologizing to show her your feelings physically. If she accepts the hug, both can get a sense of closure.
Take measures to avoid incidents in the future. If you do not take an apology seriously, it will become only words. If you apologize for something you have done, you should try to prevent it from happening again. Taking action to solve the problem will give you two benefits: first, it will reduce the chances of the situation happening again in practice, and, secondly, it will make the girl see that you turned the apology into tangible actions. If, after asking for an apology, you wash your hands completely, it will be much more difficult for people to accept your apologies in the future.
- For example, if your apology is because you are always late, start scheduling an alarm 10 minutes before you usually does it to be able to do things more quickly and reduce the risk of being late again. You can also inform the girl of the measures you have taken. In this way, you will show him that you were sincere in apologizing.
Apologize in a non-verbal way
Write a letter of apology. The best non-verbal way to apologize is to write the carata by hand. The message will vary in tone and length depending on the severity of the problem or the cause. For example, it is not the same to apologize for forgetting a birthday than for abuse or infidelity. However, the most important thing is to write from the heart and get rid of the intrinsic pretensions to the formal writing of the letters. Instead, write what you feel and apologize in the first two sentences.
- If you are involved in a romantic relationship with the girl, it may be appropriate to draw a heart in the final part of the letter, and this will convey warmth.
- In this case, it is important to write the letter by hand, since an apology will not be worth anything if it does not have a personality touch or a vulnerability that supports it. It’s much easier to disguise your emotions on a computer. However, you can send the apology through a short email or an instant message if it is a more insignificant matter.
Correct your mistakes through positive action. If what you did hurt the feelings of the girl, a good way to repair your previous mistakes is through something that makes her feel good. The ways in which you can compensate for it can become as diverse and unique as your own relationship. You can consider some of the things the girl likes as possible opportunities to fix things. In case you cannot think of anything specific, almost no woman will say no to a back massage or to prepare dinner. A simple gesture can largely express your feelings without having to be too elaborate.
Make a donation in your name. You could also make a donation on behalf of the girl as a more formal way of apologizing to her. In fact, an apology could have a greater weight if it has a monetary value associated with it, although perhaps this is only appropriate when the apology is due to less personal or serious matters. Of course, if you give money to a person directly, this would seem like a bribe, so making a donation to a charity will convey your good intentions instead of an unpleasant background.
- Regardless of how small the donation is, it must be accompanied by a specific statement of your reasons for doing so. In it, explain to the girl that you made the donation so that your apology will cause a positive change in the world, making your fight have altruistic benefits for him. It would be almost impossible to be against a charity, because they are helping the world.
- Ultimately, by apologizing, your best recourse will be the simple phrase “I’m sorry.” Often, and as long as you are honest, this is the only thing you will need.
- This article is divided into the categories “verbal” and “non-verbal”, but the most effective and felt apologies are often those that combine both types. Words alone will not be as intense as if they were backed up by an action, and vice versa, especially if the relationship is romantic.
- Keep in mind that it will be very difficult for you to apologize if you must do it because you cheated on the girl. Therefore, before apologizing in an SINCERE way, you must make sure that everything is perfect and as she likes it. You must put yourself in his place and feel the pain that YOU caused him.
Nothing can guarantee that your apology will be accepted. If this is rejected, regardless of the reasons for it, it could be because you did not wait long enough for the girl to calm down. In the worst case, you may have destroyed any possibility of rebuilding the relationship, in which case you should do your best to deal with the loss of this person and try to learn from the experience. Life is a succession of greetings and farewells, and you could use this experience to make sure that something similar does not happen again.