Communicating is very difficult. That is the key to maintaining a healthy relationship. If you want to communicate better in your relationship, then you should know how to present your ideas and be willing to listen to your partner “really”. If you want to learn to communicate better with your partner, keep reading this article.
State your arguments
Learn to express your ideas. We have heard different jokes or phrases about the problems that exist during a conversation. For example: when a person says “this” means “that” or “what he means is that …” These phrases are funny because they are usually true. Sometimes, we hope our partner understands what we want to say; wishing or hoping it is fair or effective. Instead, expose your thoughts directly.
- When you present your ideas, offer concrete examples of what you want to say to make your words more meaningful. Do not just say something like “I think you have not done your household chores”. Instead, say something like “I had to wash the dishes every night for the last two weeks …”.
- Speak slowly so that your partner understands you. Do not just explode showing all your feelings of anger or you cannot understand.
- Remember: nobody wins a prize for talking more. Touch all the key points you want to talk about, but “do not” just talk and talk until you feel overwhelmed.
- Expressing your thoughts directly removes any resentment and confusion. Instead of offering alternatives for your plans to go to a party, tell the truth: you do not want to see some people after a difficult week at work. Say something like “I’m sorry, I do not feel like going to a party.”
Use words like “I” or “me.” Do not start a sentence accusing your partner of having made mistakes. If you say something like “You always do …” or “You never do …”, then you will be defensive and less likely to listen to your reasons. Instead, say something like “I’ve realized that” or “Lately, I feel like …”. Focusing your discussion on your feelings will make you feel like you’re not complaining and that it’s part of a productive conversation.
- Even saying something like “Lately, I feel cast aside” sounds better than saying “You’ve been pushing me aside”.
- Even if you say the same thing using “I” and “me” sentences, doing it this way will make you less defensive and you can communicate openly.
Stay as calm as possible. Although you cannot be as cool as a lettuce when you are in the middle of a heated argument, the calmer you are, the better you can express yourself. Therefore, if you feel angry or upset while discussing “before” talking about it, take a deep breath until you feel calm enough to start a productive conversation.
- Speak slowly and calmly to articulate your ideas.
- Do not try to speak louder than your partner. You will only make him more angry.
- Take a deep breath. Do not get hysterical while arguing.
Maintain positive body language This can help you maintain a positive tone during the discussion. Look at her eyes and turn towards her. You can use your arms to gesture your words, but do not move them too much so it does not look like you’re losing color. Do not cross your arms over your chest or you will feel that you are not willing to listen to it.
- You should not be restless looking at the objects around you, unless it helps you release some energy.
Project your ideas with confidence. This does not mean that you should talk to your partner as if it were a business meeting. Do not go to the room, wave with your hand and explain your ideas. Instead, project confidence by acting as comfortably as possible with the situation. Smile from time to time and do not hesitate to ask many questions or sound dubious when you say something. If your partner doubts your feelings, he will not take you seriously.
- The more confidence you have, the less likely you are to feel scared or exhausted. This helps you to establish your ideas.
Plan your performance before starting to discuss. This is a very important point. When you know you will argue with your partner, do not argue or start complaining about the things you have been doing wrong. Even if you feel upset or hurt for many reasons, it is important to focus on the main point and the results you want to achieve with your conversation. If your only goal is to make him feel bad for his actions, then you should think about it before discussing.
- Part of your plan should be “when” to talk to your partner. Saying a rational argument at an inopportune time, such as a family picnic or in the middle of a game on television, can invalidate your point in its entirety.
- Think about the specific examples you want to use to establish your point. For example, suppose you want your partner to be better at listening to you. Can you think of two or three occasions when your partner did not hear you and really hurt you? Do not overwhelm her with your negative criticism. Use concrete tests to obtain the desired attention.
- Remember your goal: is it to show you why you feel hurt, mention a major conflict and commit to becoming happy or discuss how to deal with stress as a couple? Remembering your goal will help you stay on the right track.
Listen to your partner
Put yourself in the place of your partner. Visualize what your partner’s perspective would be in a given situation. Keep in mind that there are things you do not know. When she speaks, trying to put yourself in her place can help you understand that your behavior or situation can be frustrating for her. When you are upset, it is difficult to see beyond, but this technique can help you solve the problem faster.
- Empathy can help you solve a problem. Emphasize that you try to be understanding by saying “I know you should be upset because …” or “I know you’ve had a difficult week at work …” can make her feel that you really listen to her.
- Putting yourself in place can help you recognize your feelings and let you know that you understand their problems.
Give him freedom to solve his internal conflicts. Although it’s great to be able to talk about all your frustration with someone, sometimes it takes some time to solve our thoughts, feelings and desires for oneself. Giving you space and time to reflect can avoid arguments and say things that you can regret. There is a thin line between trying to speak and forcing her to do so before she is ready.
- Just saying something like “I’m here for when you need to talk” can make her feel that you care without suffocating her.
Give him your full attention. Learn to understand your signals when you want to talk and when the subject is serious. When you want to talk, turn off the TV, put aside your work, hide your phone and do everything possible to give your attention. If you are very busy or distracted, you will feel more frustrated. If “seriously” you’re busy, ask him if he can give you a few minutes to pick up your things and be less distracted.
- Keeping eye contact instead of looking around for other things that may distract you can help you feel that you are actually listening.
- Let her finish, but nod her head or say something like “I understand how you feel …” from time to time to get involved in the conversation.
Let her finish. Although possibly something you say may be outrageous or something you “need” to correct, do not get upset and interrupt it in the middle of the discussion. Make a mental note of the point to be discussed later and let her say all she has to say. When finished, it will be your turn to respond and you can treat each of your points one by one.
- This may seem difficult, especially if you just want to interrupt her to answer her, but once she finishes it will feel better when she blows off.
Beware of problems. When you listen to your partner, you must understand that you do not need to accept or understand everything you have to say. No matter how synchronized they are, how similar they are, how aligned their goals are, there will be times when they cannot agree, no matter how hard they try to express their feelings. It is good to try to understand the situation and that your partner is more receptive to what you have to say.
- Being aware of this disagreement will help them feel less frustrated when they do not “understand.”
Build a solid foundation
Keep your privacy. This does not mean you should sleep with your partner as long as they manage to resolve a fight. It just means that they should be together in intimacy as much as they can, either snuggle, caress and laugh about anything or just spend time on the couch holding hands and watching their favorite show on television. Give yourself time to be intimate at least a few times a week, no matter how busy you are. This will help them when the time comes to talk about difficult things.
- Being together in intimacy means more than just physical contact. It is about seeing another person and trying to create a space in your mind for your words, body language or actions.
Learn to recognize when you are upset. Sure, it would be great if your partner told you each time something important causes problems. However, those are rare cases. If you want to build a solid base to communicate, then you must learn to recognize your verbal and nonverbal cues that let you know when you are upset. Learn to know your signals and feel free to ask something like “You seem upset. Does something bother you? “Maybe you do not always want to talk, but doing so will make you feel that you care about her.
- Each person shows it in a different way, from being very quiet, saying that you are not hungry, making passive-aggressive comments until complaining about unimportant things.
- This does not mean you should say something like “What’s wrong with you?” If you do not seem very happy. Suddenly, she is very tired after a long day at work. Recognizing the signs of knowing when it’s okay is different from asking if you feel fine every five seconds. This can be very annoying.
- Sometimes body language can express more than words. If they have a misunderstanding, it is important to establish a way to communicate.
- “I try to understand, but I can not. Have I done something to bother you? “Do not”. “Has anyone done something to bother you?” “Do not”. “Are you just upset?” “Yes”. “With me?”. “Do not. Not really”. You are only shortening it. It seems like a lot of effort, but it may be worth it in the end.
Be proactive You must not fight for every little thing that bothers you. You must be able to float difficult problems when necessary. Do not adopt a passive-aggressive behavior and accumulate anger; otherwise, they will have a big fight at an inopportune moment or when you least expect it. Learn to ask important questions so you can discuss them when you reach an agreement instead of falling into too strong a discussion.
- Both can offer solutions until finding one that pleases them both. A real agreement is one in which both parties feel that it focuses on their feelings and thinking and adhere to real constraints such as: viability, time, cost, etc.
Do not take things so seriously . Give yourself time to have fun together. If you spend all your time working and discussing your problems, you will not enjoy your relationship very much. If you are happy and have positive feelings and memories with your partner, you probably do not explode when arguing. Building a solid foundation of mutual love and happiness will help them solve difficult times.
- Laugh together whether you’re doing cheesy jokes, watching a comedy or laughing like crazy about anything, laughing will help you enjoy your relationship more and prepare for difficult times.
Learn to recognize when a conversation is not productive. If both scream, get hurt and do not get anywhere, their conversation is not productive. There is no need to fight if only things get worse. If you are talking about something very important, breathe deeply, tell them they need to calm down and resume the conversation at another time. This is a mature way to keep your conversation from getting out of control.
- Just say something like, “I think this is important for both of us, but we should take it up again when we are more relaxed.”
- Do not walk away throwing the doors or shouting things that hurt. Do it positively, even if you still feel upset.
- Sometimes, they may argue to see how the other reacts. In this case, say it. Say something like “Why are we arguing?” This can help them back out and assess the situation.
Learn to reach an agreement. In any good relationship, being happy should be more important than being right. Do not spend all your time trying to prove that you are right or fighting to get away with it or your relationship will quickly turn off. Instead, look for a productive solution that makes you happy. This is more productive for your long-term relationship and will help them communicate their true needs.
- Sometimes, when they argue, you cannot get away with yours. For example, in problems such as finding a place to live. Make sure you get away with it or at least be happy with solving a problem next time.
- Take turns. A single person should not always be the only one to get away with theirs.
- Making a list of pros and cons can help you make a list of solutions in a logical and less heated way.
- Sometimes, when discussing, it is important to consider who cares more. This can help you find a way to evaluate the situation. If something is “very” important to you, but only a little important to your partner, let him know.
Have samples of affection. If they want to maintain a healthy communication, they should be compliments, send love notes, tell themselves how much they love each other and give each other time to do their favorite things. If they live together, a nightly appointment a week can be a lot of dinners that can help them enjoy each other’s company and get used to talking positively. This will help them solve the next time.
- In any healthy relationship, you should give more positive than negative opinions. Even if you feel your partner is doing things right, let him know.